Bro Code Article 89

My version of:
How To Sound Like A Tourist
(Bro Code Article 89)

Hi, I’m Charly Osprey.
I’m from North Gilboa, Colorado.
Go fightin’ Beavers! Yep, it’s a great place to grow up.
Walking down Main Street at Sundown,
and dropping in at Sam’s
for some homemade coconut macaroons,
well it makes my eyes water and my tummy grumble
just thinking about it, yes siree.
From time to time I like to check in on ol’ Mrs. Kauri,
bless her heart, and her prize winning black velvet bean.
My high school sweetheart Rose and I
used to neck up on Tiger Lake Point.
Thought we’d get married
but the good Lord had other plans for her
in the form of a Cadillac losing control ‘round Nixon’s Curve.
After she passed, I took up table whittling to ease the pain,
but golly, I sure don’t meet many ladies in that line of work,
'specially not ones as pretty as you.
Gosh, you’re prettier than a goat on a winter day
glistening in the quasar shine.